I won’t stay in a bad marriage for the children’s sake–Bimbo Akintola

Bimbo Akintola appreciates recognition and love more than wealth, because she believes these bring wealth and never has she felt under-appreciated . She does feel however that more should come her way in terms of big projects. In this interview she had with Sunday Sun she shed some light on why plus some other areas of her life.Excerpts:

Why do you  want to  lose weight? We like you like this.

No. No, no, you know sometimes you have to be careful, being a size 10 or 12 is not bad but being a size 14, 16 or 18 that’s not good for my frame. I am a very tall person you all know that , so if I become too big, my joints will react so I have to maintain a particular size. I am also an actor, I should not be big. You see all  Hollywood actors, they are all skinny people so that they can look good on camera.

Why do you do only big-project movies?

Having paid my dues, I deserve big project movies. Let’s be truthful, when people come to me saying  that I am a young producer, please help me, and you help them grow and they make a mess of you, you watch the movie afterwards and  you are crying because they did not pay attention to every detail.  I am too old to be doing all that.

You danced and sang in Hoodrush. Is there any possibility of you pursuing any of those in the near future?

No. You know as a theatre artist, you should be able to do that.  At least to an extent because your body is your tool. So, I learnt a lot of that at  the University of Ibadan and yes, I like dancing. Singing is something I have always dreamt of doing. I have always tried, ask my mother, she will tell you.

Did you actually feel anything for O.C Ukeje on the set of Hoodrush?

No, I like OC. He’s good looking, he’s charming but nothing beyond the job.

So you weren’t charmed?

I wasn’t. Once it is a professional thing, I don’t look at it outside of that. We were both together . He played my husband in  the Naming Ceremony. I think it’s more of a big sister, small brother relationship and I love that.

You said there is no big deal in dating a younger man, is there a possibility that you will?

Yes, if it’s someone I like and I understand  and it clicks, I won’t let age be a barrier.

What’s your take on  marriage?

Marriage is not compulsory for all of us. I am not saying I am not going to get married but it is not what makes you or breaks you.

There is this popular saying that a woman is not complete without a man. What do you say to that?

Sorry! How is a woman not complete without a man? You don’t have a job or you don’t have money? Look, a relationship with a noble man gives you  emotional fulfillment. If unfortunately, you don’t find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, should you commit suicide? It’s not compulsory, sebi I told you that some people have died in infancy, if yours had died in infancy, will you kill yourself?

Does that mean you might not get married?

If I can’t find that man that I love and that  I can spend the rest of my life with, I will stay single.

Somebody said if you hadn’t dated Dede Mabiaku, you might have been married and I am sure you have heard something like that?

Why do people do such things? Dede is a wonderful person. We are best friends, we didn’t date for more than a year and half. People thought we dated for more than that and  that was because we were best friends. I know his girlfriends and his wife. I also  visit them. You know, a man and a woman can be friends without sex. My best friends are guys, no sex involved. He didn’t spoil my life, I didn’t spoil his life. We tried to work it out but it didn’t work out but we remain friends.

Why didn’t it work out?

God didn’t say marry your friend. Marry someone you love and make sure you have friendship to back up the love part but not that you will marry for friendship. If you marry for friendship, everybody will be married to someone or the other now. I want to marry for love.God sent his son to die for us for one reason – love. God created us for love. Marry for love only and if I do not find that person I will stay single. I am a testament to God’s love.

Are you saying you have not found love all this while?

If you don’t love them, will you marry them? Look, you may be in a relationship and  you start out thinking it is love and along the way, you notice it isn’t love. You move on, that’s what life is about. I am not looking for the perfect love or the perfect man but I am looking for someone whom I know in my heart I can spend the rest of my life with. Honestly, what will pain me most is to marry and less than two years after  be out of my husband’s house.  I will feel that I didn’t pay attention to the little details.

So you want something that lasts?

I want something that is of God. God created all of us out of love but trust me, he made love available for all.

So if you don’t get the man you love, you won’t get married?

No, I don’t believe in marrying for convenience  or marrying for money or any other reason. As far as I am concerned, the only reason for marriage is love. If there is no love , no marriage.

Thank God you are a Yoruba person, I am sure you are conversant with what they say that whoever does not marry just came to earth for nothing?.

That’s a lie. That’s what they say to people who don’t have children. You know that it’s also not fair and you know why it’s unfair? Just because there are women who can’t have kids, will you say they just came to earth in vain? There is nobody  without a purpose on earth. I believe that we actors are close to God. Do you know why I said that? It’s because He gave us the gift of creating. We create like God. We create characters that you can see, we create music that you hear. We are creative artists so how can you say I came to this world and didn’t achieve anything because of marriage?

So you don’t  mind having children outside  wedlock?

I don’t have any problem with it and I don’t think there is any evil whatsoever in it.

Won’t people  say this girl is wayward?

I don’t know what you count as wayward. Is waywardness not when somebody  goes from man to man? I don’t go from man to man. I always have one boyfriend at a time or none at all. Not more than one, as in one to one, because I am a one-woman-one-man woman. When I am there, I am there.  I can stay without a relationship for two years, no big deal. Look, a lot of women out there desperately want to get married and they are not finding the right men that want to marry them. Would you  say that it is better for them to stay single till they die? At  least have children so that you will have some comfort in your life.

Are you not under  pressure from family and friends to get married?

Nobody does it. I have always been like this since I was a child. I didn’t grow up to become like this character wise, so my friends and family  understand that about me.

You said you are a one-man-one-woman person but men are not like that, are they?

Because we raise our men to be prostitutes that’s what we do in Nigeria.

Are you saying men are prostitutes?

Well, most  are. You people are not satisfied  with one woman,  why? From a young age, we make you believe that the more women, the better. Even the parents do. Don’t they talk when your sisters bring girls to the house? The first thing they teach you as a woman is how to close your legs. “Cover it, protect it”. Do they teach men the same thing? When a man  brings a girl home, the mother says  can’t you see my son and  she’s  proud, then when he brings two, three, four  to the house, you are even prouder that my son is a ladies man. So what are you teaching him? That one is not enough. Women have to start teaching our sons from when they are young that one is enough. Every woman there should just be ok.

What is disrespectful in sleeping with a woman?

What is disrespectful with having three girlfriends? Is it because you know you have three and the three probably love you?. What you are doing is that you are toying with their emotions.

Some of them are not even girlfriends. They’re  just like do the thing and go, not so?

What makes you even think that the girl does not think you will be the man of her life? How do you know you didn’t break somebody’s heart? How do you know you didn’t change somebody’s mind about what men are like and give her a wrong impression? How do you know that  she didn’t react to the next man that comes  along same way? That could have been her husband, the bone of her bone and she lost him because of you, because you are using her for  a one-night-stand. Men forget  that when you are dating three, four, five girls, they are humans like your sister and like your mother. They have feelings and if they tell you they love you, they actually might,  so if you toy with their emotions, shame on you. It shows a lack of respect for women, including your sister and mother, and God who created all of you . It’s so bad, that’s what I will teach my son.

Are you saying your son will be a one-woman man?

By the grace of God, he will,  because I will teach him to respect human beings.

Ok, what about those that say men are naturally polygamous?

It’s because we allow them to be.

But it’s all over the world isn’t it ?

No it’s not all over the world. Yeah we have cases where people  have been together for twenty years and something happens and someone cheats, once, twice or thrice. He tried now.  In fact, I am even behaving like a Nigerian woman by saying he tried. Here in Nigeria, there is nothing wrong with your marriage, you just want to.These other people’s children have feelings, they are somebody’s children, your sister is someone’s child, your mother is also someone’s child and your daughter is your child. You won’t be happy if someone treats your daughter that way even when you treated someone else’s daughter that way. Men should start respecting women.

You said something earlier that women should learn to accept their fate. Are you saying that women have no choice other than to ‘accept’ all these things?

Is it not what the women are doing? That’s what they are doing. Most women want to believe in their heart of hearts that their spouses are faithful to them.  The Nigerian woman of today wants loyalty, she wants fidelity, because that’s what it is, loyalty. If we as women are loyal to you, then we expect you to be also loyal to us, because you chose her ahead of everyone else and you made a vow to stay true to her and be loyal to her all the days of your life. You need to be loyal  because loyalty is key. My question to men is what do they gain when they are married and still keep girlfriends? Does it add to the value of their lives? The answer is no, it even takes money, energy and a lot of ‘strategizing’ so that the wife would not know or find out. For men, it’s fun to cheat on their spouses.

Would you ever consider retaliating?

That’s the height of stupidity. If you  love someone and you are dating, and he’s cheating, what you should be thinking is if you want to work it out or just say thank God for  exposing the kind of person he is. What does retaliation mean and who are you hurting? Yourself, at the end of the day! So I do not believe in retaliation, I think it’s not worth it.

Has Bimbo Akintola ever cheated on any of her boyfriends ?

No, I haven’t.

Are you  sure?

Yes I am. I haven’t done that before and  I am being honest here. If I am in a relationship and wake up one day and I see another man I find attractive, that’s the end of my relationship and I would tell my boyfriend. I will come to you the boyfriend and tell you that I saw one man down the road and I was instantly attracted to him which means there is something wrong. The relationship is over.

Are you saying if you are in a relationship you are not allowed to be attracted to another person even if the relationship is thriving?

You see other people and you say ‘good looking bloke’ and you want to be with that person. That means there is something wrong somewhere.  I appreciate beauty and  when I see fine girls I say wow! When I see fine boys too I tell my boyfriend ‘check out that fine boy’. It ends there but when I now see him and I begin to feel some chemistry, something is wrong. That means this present relationship is over. There should be standards, even some animals have standards and  the bottom-line is that I haven’t cheated on a partner before. There should be something that would guide you not to go beyond a particular point or line. It is the truth. I am a one-man-one-woman kind of person. Ask my ex-boyfriends, they will say  Bimbo will tell you that ‘come, I am attracted to this other person, this one is over’. We can’t work it out.

So how many men  have you dated?

Ah!, that’s a bad question o! That is not a good question at all (laughs). I can’t tell you that but I can reveal to you that I have been in those relationships for as long as four years, five years and maybe a year. My relationships tend to last long somehow. I am in a relationship now if that is what you want to know but I would never reveal his identity and that of others, because they deserve the right to their peace of mind.

Are you satisfied with your life?

To a certain extent I am okay with what I have become and what I have achieved, but you also know that humans are very greedy people. We always want a better life. Am I satisfied? To an extent I would say yes, but I want more, much more in fact and I am working towards that.

What more do you want in life?

I would love to have twins one day, because my family has a lot of twins from both my  parents families. I would also love to adopt a kid too , because there are many children out there that deserve the good life also. The fact that their mothers couldn’t nurture and take care of them properly, doesn’t mean some other people can’t do that for them. So,  no matter how many kids I have, I would still love to adopt.

Why do you want to adopt?

But it is important, have you been to those motherless homes before? Is it not crazy, the number of children without parents? If every Nigerian has adopted one of them, their lives would have been better because they would have a father and a mother. Every child deserves to have a good home. I wouldn’t have been the person that I am today if it hadn’t been for my mum. I had good fun growing up with my siblings, six of us in all. I’m not joking, we had a great time growing up and  my parents are still together till tomorrow. They live at Opebi. I thank my mum for all that because a home cannot be what it is without the presence of the woman. My father was always posted here and there but my mum kept us together. My father was a Customs Officer at that time.

So what was life like as a daughter of a Customs Officer?

Daddy was never around, but my mum never made us feel  his absence . She did much to keep the family together. There were times when we wanted to eat, we would use the cutlery in the house and begin to mime a song, and my mum would  join us.

So your mum was a mother and also a father?

Yes and  she would tell us  stories  most nights. We would all sit down at the balcony, we would play word games, I had a very great time growing up . Do you know how I got to know that it was great? It’s because I talked to other people and they didn’t have as much fun as we had then. So, don’t you think those children in the motherless home deserve something like that too? Even to those who complain, they still have  mothers and fathers. Every child deserves to have a home, not a motherless home.

Who do you think is responsible for the rot  in the home?

All parties in the home are to be blamed . Even Nigerian women have realized that they are human beings, and as they have said, there are certain things they have a right to. Our  mothers and grandmothers often believe that once you’re  married  you are expected to stay there for the rest of your life, if not because you love your husband but  for the sake of your children and love doesn’t even have anything to do with it.

So you won’t stay in a relationship because of the children?

No o, because the children are the ones who suffer it the most. They can always tell when the relationship is being tested. Should we call it decay or a transition period? I think it’s more of a transition period. We are becoming a different people. Before it wasn’t about love, it was about compatibility and the family, now it’s about love and people now have choices. Gone are the days when women say ‘’he is my husband, he can do whatever he wants’’. They are less possessive now. The man cannot just do whatever he wants to do anyhow anymore.

Do you think men are slacking?

No!, I don’t, but some are becoming more disrespectful in the way they deal with women. If you were  into girls who hustle men for  money, when you now meet someone who is not a hustler, then you need to treat that person with respect.

Have you ever fallen in love with a wrong person?

Yes, in a sense. He  wasn’t a wrong person but he was not the right person, that’s the answer. It turned out that we were better as friends not lovers. Eledumare(the Almighty) created us to be friends and we mistook that for a relationship but we found out it wasn’t and we are still friends.

I have a feeling that I know the person?

You don’t know the person and I am not going to identify him.

Can you date a married man?

No and  you know why I don’t think it is right? I am not saying people don’t do it but you know what? The truth is that he is lying to two people – his wife and you. Sometimes we lie to ourselves that I am dating him because his marriage is bad but why don’t you wait for the marriage to collapse first? If I dated a married man as soon as he leaves his wife, I will run away. I won’t marry him because I will believe that I contributed to the failure of  his marriage. This means that something will contribute to our own breaking up too. I believe that if you do bad to somebody, somebody will do bad to you too.

What if he’s divorced?

If he is divorced, yes, there is nothing wrong with a divorced man. Most people say it is wrong and I don’t understand that, what if he made a mistake? He left his wife to look for a better person, his true partner to marry. So what is wrong with that? People make mistakes all the time, we shouldn’t be too harsh.

What was childhood like?

My mother understands that each child has his/her individual traits. So, she treated us differently especially  me as  I could sing, sing, sing, talk, talk, talk and then for another  hour, I  might not  say a word to anybody. I was moody sometimes  and she understood that.  It wasn’t a problem and she will just find out if you are alright, if you are not depressed. She will allow you to be yourself . I have always wanted to have my me-time when it is just me, myself and I alone.

Do you live alone?

I do, I live alone.

There was a  time you told me something like  you will live with your parents till you get married. Do you still feel that way?

That’s my elder sister.  I have been living alone since I  graduated.  I had to move back home while looking for  an apartment , because it took up to eight months to get one. I am very particular about the kitchen and the bathroom.

But people say a lady should not live alone when she’s yet to marry. What’s your take on that?

No , she has to teach herself responsibility and learn to struggle on her own. She should learn discipline to know that she has to pay the bills.

So what other things do you do to pay the bills?

I anchor shows, I do functions quite a lot.  I am always doing something or the other. They pay so well.

You are a very good actress but it seems  some others have ‘taken the shine’ off you. Correct?

Yes, because it is all about the glamour and not the work. Our industry is a glamorous one, in Hollywood do you think the most glamorous are the ones that are mostly written about? No. Look at Angela . She is one of the most brilliant actresses in America but where is she right now? Who knows her? She has great acting skills but obviously she doesn’t have the glamour of the industry. You have to look a particular way, have a particular body size, the right look. You know some of us who are  professionals need to remember that apart from being professionals who adhere to the ethics of the theatre,  that it is about glamour.

So why are you not adding glamour to it?

It’s because some of us just can’t be bothered. But we need to remember that this industry is about glamour and you need to be glamorous and good luck to you if you are not glamorous and you are not getting the attention.

Maybe they are not adding something to the brand?

Yes now. If you don’t do PR, will it work? That’s the truth. Some of us say because we are professionals, we are too much for all those nonsense, but the truth is that it’s part of it, the people handling your PR, your personnel, stories they put in the paper for you. We as professionals will say I won’t pay anybody to put my name in the papers but that’s part of the job.

Do you feel underappreciated, you know I was speaking with someone and the person said, “do you know Bimbo is getting less than what she’s worth?

I get a whole lot of appreciation from fans. And let me tell you something, money cannot be compared to that. People see me and they run to me and they hug me and the first thing that comes out of their mouths is “I love you”. Money can’t get you that and I will tell you the truth, anywhere I go in the world, I get back with tons of people; I think I am so appreciated.

What’s the most painful part of your life that you can remember?

My grandmother died and I was writing my exams, and I was very close to her, we all loved her, my mom’s mom, she was very unbelievable.

I read somewhere where they wrote on actors that smoke cigarette and your name came up, where did you pick that up from?

You see, I don’t like discussing things that don’t help other people, cigarette is a bad habit, it is dangerous to your health, so discussing is like encouraging the younger ones to smoke.

If God gives you an opportunity to ask for ten things what will they be?

I won’t even think too much. Love, health, children, happiness. I don’t need more than that and I am serious.

You don’t want money?

No, Love, health are more than money, you know what I believe about money? That I will work and get it that if you are hardworking, God will always grant you that one. On my chart money is the least I will ask for, money brings sorrow sometimes sef.

Do you believe you are sexy?

Of course I am.

So who’s a sexy woman?

I believe it’s a woman that is confident that is sexy.